You might think this question relates to the #BLM movement. It doesn’t; or at least it’s not meant to! I remember watching a documentary that detailed the work done by the Reparations Committee after WWI where they weighed up the amount to be paid by the defeated Germans as part of the Treaty of Versailles. This committee put a value on each casualty, whether it was an injured or dead horse, cow, civilian or soldier. They evaluated the cost of an amputated limb versus blindness. Imagine having to put a value on each life!
Wake-up call
In this context, I had a little wake-up call the other day while talking with a friend in a pub. I was recounting to her how I’d spoken to a pal about the sadness of friends of mine who’d lost their young daughter during the pandemic to cancer. This pal then said, more or less, “yeah I know how they feel, I just lost my uncle … to Covid.” The daughter was 24. The uncle was in his mid 80s.
In my mind, I felt that the daughter’s death did not compare with the uncle’s. It was as if the link to Covid rendered the uncle’s passing tragic.
My friend (in the pub) chastised me for my judgment, saying that parents are bound to put extra emphasis on the loss of a child. But someone without children might not have the same belief. She didn’t say it as such, but I took it that all deaths matter … the same.
I need to revise my position, it seems? I know this is a tricky topic, but I’d appreciate your thoughts!
I believe the closer you are to someone, the greater the grief. Not everyone may have had a good experience.
Sharing a quote that I recently came across in a Hospice Volunteer program I heard for the first time and found this to very well said.
“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly-that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” Anne Lamont.
This reminds me of a friend’s story I would like to share here, also because it is echoing with our days.
Wassyl Slipak was an Opera singer.
Born and raised in Ukraine, he had the opportunity to stay in France to practice and live from his art.
Wassyl a charmer, joyful, generous. I never saw him angry.
After annexion of Crimea, he first decided to help Ukrainian orphans.
Then he marched for protests in France for his country. I remember he was wearing Cossack outfits and wearing a megaphone. The loudest man in the room was shouting “no mistrals for Putin” a megaphone!
His dedication to his cause went further.
He decided to go to the front in Donbass.
The second time he went there, he got shot by a sniper in 2016…
I remember clearly, in all this sadness, his picture I the Ukrainian church rue des Saints Pères in Paris, the day after he passed.
Not very far from his portait during the ceremony was an image of the Christ.
I don’t believe in Christianity but couldn’t help seeing for the first time what it means to give your life for a cause. The ultimate dedication. Because he knew where he was going.
Some of us felt it was a waste and his lost wouldn’t change anything. Today’s situation in Ukraine might prove they were right…
While we were crying in France, Ukraine gave him one of the biggest funerals. I got to see it on YouTube.
2000 people, some of them kneeling in front of the car carrying his coffin.
In Ukraine Wassyl was a national hero.
The NY Times, Le Monde wrote about him. He helped shine a light on his country at a time nobody knew or cared about the war with Russia.
A film on his life (Myth) was presented to festivals all around the planet.
When I went to Ukraine in 2017 or until last year when we randomly met Ukrainians in Sardinia, every person looks at me shocked when we mention Wassyl (my wife was born in Ukraine).
So in the grand scheme of things. Did his death matter?
Yes.
But it did not solve the problem indeed.
I suppose it gave hope and determination.
Many women and men are now, with this same determination, willingly offering their lives for the cause that matters the most for them.
people with a normal life before.
All of them won’t be remembered.
Dying with a meaning, with a conviction matters.
To many of people
For a time.
Surely.
That doesn’t exclude every other passing from the conversation off course.
Death does funny things to people and much like life I believe everyone has their own personal relationship with the subject, with that frame I'd argue all deaths are beautifully unique.
I believe the closer you are to someone, the greater the grief. Not everyone may have had a good experience.
Sharing a quote that I recently came across in a Hospice Volunteer program I heard for the first time and found this to very well said.
“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly-that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” Anne Lamont.
When does a death matter?
This reminds me of a friend’s story I would like to share here, also because it is echoing with our days.
Wassyl Slipak was an Opera singer.
Born and raised in Ukraine, he had the opportunity to stay in France to practice and live from his art.
Wassyl a charmer, joyful, generous. I never saw him angry.
After annexion of Crimea, he first decided to help Ukrainian orphans.
Then he marched for protests in France for his country. I remember he was wearing Cossack outfits and wearing a megaphone. The loudest man in the room was shouting “no mistrals for Putin” a megaphone!
His dedication to his cause went further.
He decided to go to the front in Donbass.
The second time he went there, he got shot by a sniper in 2016…
I remember clearly, in all this sadness, his picture I the Ukrainian church rue des Saints Pères in Paris, the day after he passed.
Not very far from his portait during the ceremony was an image of the Christ.
I don’t believe in Christianity but couldn’t help seeing for the first time what it means to give your life for a cause. The ultimate dedication. Because he knew where he was going.
Some of us felt it was a waste and his lost wouldn’t change anything. Today’s situation in Ukraine might prove they were right…
While we were crying in France, Ukraine gave him one of the biggest funerals. I got to see it on YouTube.
2000 people, some of them kneeling in front of the car carrying his coffin.
In Ukraine Wassyl was a national hero.
The NY Times, Le Monde wrote about him. He helped shine a light on his country at a time nobody knew or cared about the war with Russia.
A film on his life (Myth) was presented to festivals all around the planet.
When I went to Ukraine in 2017 or until last year when we randomly met Ukrainians in Sardinia, every person looks at me shocked when we mention Wassyl (my wife was born in Ukraine).
So in the grand scheme of things. Did his death matter?
Yes.
But it did not solve the problem indeed.
I suppose it gave hope and determination.
Many women and men are now, with this same determination, willingly offering their lives for the cause that matters the most for them.
people with a normal life before.
All of them won’t be remembered.
Dying with a meaning, with a conviction matters.
To many of people
For a time.
Surely.
That doesn’t exclude every other passing from the conversation off course.
To Wassyl’s memory and to Ukraine.
https://youtu.be/TaTRR073oec
Death does funny things to people and much like life I believe everyone has their own personal relationship with the subject, with that frame I'd argue all deaths are beautifully unique.