There is this moment in a conversation when all of a sudden the exchange becomes decidedly more intimate, more revealing… I think especially of the moment at the end of a therapy session, when you’re picking up your affairs to leave and a stray sentence leads to a new thought. It pops up, almost by mistake. It’s as if the controls have been released. The guard is let down. And it provides an insight or elicits an a-ha!
Friends of mine talked about the same effect happening after a journalist closes up her notebook after the formal interview is completed. Of course, what comes next remains on the record and can provide much more candid material.
At work, these moments may happen while milling at the water cooler, outside among the smokers, or in the washroom… all places far from the formality of the boardroom or stuffy office.
Have you any souvenirs of such moments you’d like to share? I’m trying to connect the dots as to when and why it all comes out in these unexpected moments! Your thoughts please!
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The funny thing is how unexpected these moments are. I remember being interviewed by a journalist at a bar, many years back. I remember being mindful of everything I was saying and the drinks I was drinking. When we getting ready to part, I let slip a sentence that was the highlight of the ensuing article. My boss was not amused. Lesson learned.
It's the tipping point of trust. It occurs often at the end because there is a pause for reflection which gives subconscious recognition of trust (or perhaps distrust/relief it is over). If trust, it is followed by the need to share more and be more honest. The skill of making this happen during the conversation, rather than the end, should not be underrated.
It's getting to that point of mutual trust... One can't rush into it either. It's like the observation that people or groups who've shared a difficult situation are better at bonding than those who've never tested their bond.
It's great they have a name for it, Annemarie! That extra bit of time is so vital. By its nature it's almost always at the buzzer... so time is inevitably a factor. I'll be re-using that door knob reference!
The funny thing is how unexpected these moments are. I remember being interviewed by a journalist at a bar, many years back. I remember being mindful of everything I was saying and the drinks I was drinking. When we getting ready to part, I let slip a sentence that was the highlight of the ensuing article. My boss was not amused. Lesson learned.
It's the tipping point of trust. It occurs often at the end because there is a pause for reflection which gives subconscious recognition of trust (or perhaps distrust/relief it is over). If trust, it is followed by the need to share more and be more honest. The skill of making this happen during the conversation, rather than the end, should not be underrated.
It's getting to that point of mutual trust... One can't rush into it either. It's like the observation that people or groups who've shared a difficult situation are better at bonding than those who've never tested their bond.
To doctors, lawyers and other professionals in the advisory category, these questions or last sentences are referred to as the door knob one.
A pause, a change of tempo, testing trust ….before releasing -or not - the most important or the most difficult to say.
If you’re not acting on that clue in the appropriate way, gently digging and showing you have time and interest, the window’s shut.
So often these opportunities given and not taken are replaced with a witty comment. Self ironic. On either side.
Social facades back on.
It's great they have a name for it, Annemarie! That extra bit of time is so vital. By its nature it's almost always at the buzzer... so time is inevitably a factor. I'll be re-using that door knob reference!
Time.
And the courage /ability/empathy to catch the ball.
Touché.
🤗😂👍