I have been reflecting on how we materially go about getting to a deeper level of conversation with someone we don’t know. There’s obviously the context in which we meet each other. For example, it might be at a party hosted by a friend, at a work function, at a bus stop or sitting beside someone at a show or perhaps travelling on a train/plane. Each setting brings with it different options and challenges. The second thought concerns the first look. But is it right to read the book by its cover? To me, some people just look more open and inviting. Others can look more severe or perhaps more plain. Is that even ok to write (or think) anymore?
How much small talk do we need? I have a belief that to get the ball rolling, it’s useful to start with saying something that demonstrates a smidgeon of vulnerability. The first steps into deeper conversation need to have the right dosage, and I realise I’m not always good at gauging that. I keep saying to myself nowadays not too much, too fast. As I wrote in a past post, I sometimes find myself going too quickly too far. Yet, I feel so many people are thirsting for deeper connection.
What tips and thoughts do you have about getting into a deeper space?
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…or going too far, too quickly. That might be me sometimes 😬
Agree 100% that you really have to take everything (yup, even that first impression of the physical…facial expression, gestures, etc.) into consideration, and that part needs to be done (processed) quickly.
It’s a bespoke operation these custom conversations. Some of us are more adept at navigating than others either through experience (trial by fire!) or training (honed skill sets). Also agree that generally, people are craving deeper connection, and sometimes, the deepest convos can happen between strangers. There’s a freedom knowing you’ll never see that person again that enables you to go there/far, fast. And when that happens, I think you know right away, read the signs, see the door opening…and when you go through, wonderful dialog ensues. Had just that very thing happen last night with a taxi driver in nyc — over a 25-block ride. The dialog was so engaging, he drove past the street destination and had to turn around. Neither driver nor passenger had noticed and there was traffic! Proof that meaningful conversations can happen at any time. Just have to be open to the possibility. I could have easily shut down the communication a few sentences in, but I didn’t. Why would I have done? I personally love the spontaneity of connection whenever and wherever it occurs.
Or People boasting about their own achievements, being all about themselves or on the contrary, those who have not much to say, no extensive knowledge of people, places and “ stuff”, well we just don’t connect. And that very ok.
But when we do feel a connection, a total confidence, inspite of whatever, things can go very fast and become extremely deep and personal very quickly.
Too quickly?
I guess it’s a question of how many filters you have yourself and then, the other party.
When you suddenly become very intimate with someone you hardly know, it’s wonderful and scary.
How will that person take good care of my openings..?
Will that person be able to continue that thread without becoming ever present, ever demanding, ever asking how things are.. Which can be so annoying!!!
How to engage in conversation at all ? Showing vulnerability?
I tend to just smile my way though the whole thing, being curious, very open minded and very respectful.
A very youthful and truthful attitude that never fails. Guards down and focus on the other…
So many things to be said..
For now, I’m off to the Mediterranean sailing conditions.
…or going too far, too quickly. That might be me sometimes 😬
Agree 100% that you really have to take everything (yup, even that first impression of the physical…facial expression, gestures, etc.) into consideration, and that part needs to be done (processed) quickly.
It’s a bespoke operation these custom conversations. Some of us are more adept at navigating than others either through experience (trial by fire!) or training (honed skill sets). Also agree that generally, people are craving deeper connection, and sometimes, the deepest convos can happen between strangers. There’s a freedom knowing you’ll never see that person again that enables you to go there/far, fast. And when that happens, I think you know right away, read the signs, see the door opening…and when you go through, wonderful dialog ensues. Had just that very thing happen last night with a taxi driver in nyc — over a 25-block ride. The dialog was so engaging, he drove past the street destination and had to turn around. Neither driver nor passenger had noticed and there was traffic! Proof that meaningful conversations can happen at any time. Just have to be open to the possibility. I could have easily shut down the communication a few sentences in, but I didn’t. Why would I have done? I personally love the spontaneity of connection whenever and wherever it occurs.
Love the taxi 'meetup' and that you got so engrossed, you whizzed by the destination. A good sign for the convo. Bad sign for the metre fare!
In my song, A Convinced Man, the starting lyric is: "I like the feel of a stranger"... Giving new meaning to it these days!
Good evening Minter
The book by it’s cover and peeling the onion..?🤣
We all make that mistake once in awhile.
Not too often though from my perspective.
Perhaps a féminine respective…?
Too plain is politically incorrect but very true.
Or People boasting about their own achievements, being all about themselves or on the contrary, those who have not much to say, no extensive knowledge of people, places and “ stuff”, well we just don’t connect. And that very ok.
But when we do feel a connection, a total confidence, inspite of whatever, things can go very fast and become extremely deep and personal very quickly.
Too quickly?
I guess it’s a question of how many filters you have yourself and then, the other party.
When you suddenly become very intimate with someone you hardly know, it’s wonderful and scary.
How will that person take good care of my openings..?
Will that person be able to continue that thread without becoming ever present, ever demanding, ever asking how things are.. Which can be so annoying!!!
How to engage in conversation at all ? Showing vulnerability?
I tend to just smile my way though the whole thing, being curious, very open minded and very respectful.
A very youthful and truthful attitude that never fails. Guards down and focus on the other…
So many things to be said..
For now, I’m off to the Mediterranean sailing conditions.
😘