I have some friends who have completely resigned themselves to allowing their (now grown-up) children to keep their phone not just present at the table, but using it even as we are speaking. I’ve found my tolerance of such behavior getting lower and lower.
My shame is that I know that I haven’t been exemplary. In fact, looking back, I can remember how I would justify that I had the right to check the phone because of “important stuff,” like work (beginning back in the days of the Blackberry). However, every glance at a phone offers a chance to get stuck down some rabbit hole, if it’s not a wormhole, starting with a pop-up, banner notifications of an incoming text message, a badge indicating unread email messages, etc. Every time we connect online, we disconnect with those present.
I’ve come to think that the acceptance of the phone in the middle of our in-person conversation as more than an irritation or idle parenting. It's an integral part of how we — as a society — are destroying conversation. I’ve seen it happen between couples on a romantic date, breakfast gatherings at Le Pain Quotidien, kids travelling beside each other on trains and more.
We must all take a stand and find a civil and mutually understood way — or code — to remove phones from our in-person encounters, no?
Do you agree? What tips and experiences can you share on this topic?
I could not agree more. I'm thankful that our kids were young before I had an iPhone because it's so hard to avoid being distracted ourselves and giving them tech....so we can get X, Y, Z done. Our family dinners NEVER included phones, kids or adults. Adults are just as bad btw...I've watched friends check FB while we've been dining. Really. Super annoying and puts them lower on the list of people with whom I like to eat. It absolutely is destroying conversation....people who can't stop checking phones can only listen superficially at best. Since simple listening is the passport to empathy, it's also affecting our empathic capacity. Big, big deal. Thanks for bringing it up.
The best advice to those with babies/toddlers is to hold off on letting them access technology for as long as possible! It saddens me to see parents proudly share videoclips of how clever their toddler is, that they can work the parent's mobile phone. Once you let that genie out of the bottle, there's no putting it back. One might argue that older generations also used technology to babysit their kids (plopping them in front of the TV to get some respite from parenting)...the difference is that TVs weren't portable.
I could not agree more. I'm thankful that our kids were young before I had an iPhone because it's so hard to avoid being distracted ourselves and giving them tech....so we can get X, Y, Z done. Our family dinners NEVER included phones, kids or adults. Adults are just as bad btw...I've watched friends check FB while we've been dining. Really. Super annoying and puts them lower on the list of people with whom I like to eat. It absolutely is destroying conversation....people who can't stop checking phones can only listen superficially at best. Since simple listening is the passport to empathy, it's also affecting our empathic capacity. Big, big deal. Thanks for bringing it up.
The best advice to those with babies/toddlers is to hold off on letting them access technology for as long as possible! It saddens me to see parents proudly share videoclips of how clever their toddler is, that they can work the parent's mobile phone. Once you let that genie out of the bottle, there's no putting it back. One might argue that older generations also used technology to babysit their kids (plopping them in front of the TV to get some respite from parenting)...the difference is that TVs weren't portable.