It’s long been held that the three topics of sex, politics and religion should be avoided in polite company. I think we should add ‘death’ as a fourth standalone topic, although some would link it to religion. But what about atheists, such as myself?
The problem is that these topics are generally loaded guns, where people hold either private or strong points of view. But, on the other side of the equation, these topics are fundamental to who each of us is. We‘re political beings by nature. Sex is a universal — if private — topic. Religion is a personal choice. To die is to have lived. The invisibility of the way we approach any of these topics can make unveiling them risky business. Yet, if we want to be authentic and trust one another, aren’t they part of getting to know one another?
To what extent can we afford NOT to be able to share our opinions in order to foster more trust between us? Is it time to break these taboos?
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Sadly these have actually split families apart because of anger and hard feelings. Of course there will always be different opinions and priorities in our world. I believe the key is accepting the feelings and views of others while being confident in yours. Maintaining kindness is so very important also. Genuine kindness, I feel, can make a big impact. It can create more harmony and understanding. It would be a beautiful way to understand, learn and grow about each other if only there was more harmony.
I would be especially interested in having a conversation about someone views and reasons as to being an atheist and their views about the Bible.
If anger and hard feelings can be off the table, and the communication can be delivered respectfully, I agree, these topics can be great way to know each other and understand each other.
That's so true Denise. If we can remember to stay open to other people's opinions, that's a huge starting point. At the very least, it's key to stay curious to fully understand the other person's feelings, thoughts and experiences. Rather than get angry about someone else's position, why not understand how/why they got there? What's happened over the last two years is that we've had such a mono-subject to discuss, we all feel like we've "cracked" it and have explored the subject fully so as to warrant a firm and unflinching position. Yet, the 'facts' have yet to be agreed, much less fully investigated in the aftermath. Will we even be able to investigate without imposing our initial filter to find self-fulfilling prophecies?
At some level, exactly because these are existential issues, that's what makes them so important and revealing. But, it's not because they are important that we can't listen to other perspectives. If someone feels the urge to 'win over' everyone with their perspective, it's probably charged with some agenda or reflects a deeper personal issue. I think this point underscores your point, Denise, to be confident in your own POV. Confident enough to listen and even alter without feeling weakened. If I get excited with some topic, I like to believe it's a good indicator to check out why I'm feeling that way.... It doesn't mean it's bad, but it's definitely worth observing and exploring why!
Yes, I agree. For sure it’s definitely worth exploring. One may not agree and not able to choose how others communicate, more importantly, one can choose how to feel and respond. Choosing to respond with kindness regardless, may even provoke further exploration and understanding to different perspectives.
Keeping the ears and eyes open throughout the conversation is so important... One thing I try to remember in the middle of a heated conversation is my own heartbeat and feelings... Not always easy to keep them in check!
That is half the battle to recognize, and that in itself can help your response. It can help to become a habit - being mindful of keeping triggers in check. I would imagine through your life experiences you have met a variety of personalities. A powerful way to grow in wisdom and share. So thank you for sharing this platform.
I have indeed met a raft of strong personalities... I'd say that travel too is a very good way to open up to new perspectives... through learning new languages and exploring other cultures. Glad you are enjoying the platform Denise.
De facto, death had been eliminated from polite conversations, or rather the ageing and dying. Covid put it back in media, but in a quasi unnatural phenomenon, people are dying!, surprise?let's lockdown death! Religion is a personal choice? in modern times and only under Christian ethos. Religion under the old testament and Islam is NOT personal, it is collective. Etymology: religare ‘to bind’, and in practical terms, religion teaches people to live together with rules.
Interesting. I suppose many have religion (specific faith) imposed at an early age. What I should have said is that your relationship (or not) with your religion is your choice, in that it is internal to you. But as you say, in the roots of the word, it was even an obligation. What's for sure is that the decline in faith in the West has meant a decline in a sharing/binding element.
Is it more that you need to establish trust BEFORE you embark on the thornier topics? To the extent trust is personal and understanding one's ethics is important, it's almost and egg/chicken dilemma. What lies beneath our masks?
Sadly these have actually split families apart because of anger and hard feelings. Of course there will always be different opinions and priorities in our world. I believe the key is accepting the feelings and views of others while being confident in yours. Maintaining kindness is so very important also. Genuine kindness, I feel, can make a big impact. It can create more harmony and understanding. It would be a beautiful way to understand, learn and grow about each other if only there was more harmony.
I would be especially interested in having a conversation about someone views and reasons as to being an atheist and their views about the Bible.
If anger and hard feelings can be off the table, and the communication can be delivered respectfully, I agree, these topics can be great way to know each other and understand each other.
That's so true Denise. If we can remember to stay open to other people's opinions, that's a huge starting point. At the very least, it's key to stay curious to fully understand the other person's feelings, thoughts and experiences. Rather than get angry about someone else's position, why not understand how/why they got there? What's happened over the last two years is that we've had such a mono-subject to discuss, we all feel like we've "cracked" it and have explored the subject fully so as to warrant a firm and unflinching position. Yet, the 'facts' have yet to be agreed, much less fully investigated in the aftermath. Will we even be able to investigate without imposing our initial filter to find self-fulfilling prophecies?
At some level, exactly because these are existential issues, that's what makes them so important and revealing. But, it's not because they are important that we can't listen to other perspectives. If someone feels the urge to 'win over' everyone with their perspective, it's probably charged with some agenda or reflects a deeper personal issue. I think this point underscores your point, Denise, to be confident in your own POV. Confident enough to listen and even alter without feeling weakened. If I get excited with some topic, I like to believe it's a good indicator to check out why I'm feeling that way.... It doesn't mean it's bad, but it's definitely worth observing and exploring why!
Yes, I agree. For sure it’s definitely worth exploring. One may not agree and not able to choose how others communicate, more importantly, one can choose how to feel and respond. Choosing to respond with kindness regardless, may even provoke further exploration and understanding to different perspectives.
Keeping the ears and eyes open throughout the conversation is so important... One thing I try to remember in the middle of a heated conversation is my own heartbeat and feelings... Not always easy to keep them in check!
That is half the battle to recognize, and that in itself can help your response. It can help to become a habit - being mindful of keeping triggers in check. I would imagine through your life experiences you have met a variety of personalities. A powerful way to grow in wisdom and share. So thank you for sharing this platform.
I have indeed met a raft of strong personalities... I'd say that travel too is a very good way to open up to new perspectives... through learning new languages and exploring other cultures. Glad you are enjoying the platform Denise.
De facto, death had been eliminated from polite conversations, or rather the ageing and dying. Covid put it back in media, but in a quasi unnatural phenomenon, people are dying!, surprise?let's lockdown death! Religion is a personal choice? in modern times and only under Christian ethos. Religion under the old testament and Islam is NOT personal, it is collective. Etymology: religare ‘to bind’, and in practical terms, religion teaches people to live together with rules.
Interesting. I suppose many have religion (specific faith) imposed at an early age. What I should have said is that your relationship (or not) with your religion is your choice, in that it is internal to you. But as you say, in the roots of the word, it was even an obligation. What's for sure is that the decline in faith in the West has meant a decline in a sharing/binding element.
Is it more that you need to establish trust BEFORE you embark on the thornier topics? To the extent trust is personal and understanding one's ethics is important, it's almost and egg/chicken dilemma. What lies beneath our masks?