I was chatting with a friend recently who said that she feels that these days it’s too risky to express her opinion with many of her friends. The words she used were:
“I don’t feel it’s safe to stick my neck out by speaking my mind.”
If you take this literally, it seems downright dangerous.
What does this statement mean to you? Do you feel you’re willing to stick your neck out? Or do you also feel the strain? On which types of topics? I’d love to have your stories and/or feedback as to how you’re experiencing this topic.
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As my conversation with my friend continued, her feeling was that whenever we express an opinion, others are fast to jump to conclusions. To be sure, it's happening on both sides of many topics. Our level of invective and anger is quick to rise because we've deemed this or that subject important. We get triggered because we feel threatened. It's virtually an existential threat. And we create a primal emotional reaction (located in the amygdala). Too often, we lose perspective. And for some, the fact that we get emotional is vivifying and self-justifying. Hence the notion that we literally may be sticking our necks out at times.
Definitely seems to be extremism on both sides, the right and the left with each side having different perspectives. Each looking at life through a different angle.
For fear do you think? If these agendas are about power and money, no doubt. So complicated. If only our leaders were all transparent and honest, then maybe the debates, the brainstorming, the dialogue, as you have described could lead to some pretty awesome solutions and unity. And I think you should guide them with your knowledge and experience! 😁
Thank you for the words of encouragement, Denise. The notions of transparency and honesty are of particular importance to me. The challenge with transparency is knowing that some things MUST be kept secret (e.g. one's own private garden or state secrets....). So it's not desirable to be 100% transparent. The question then becomes "how much?"! Where should the line be drawn? And on honesty, the question I have is how well one knows oneself to be honest even with oneself? I always smirk when I hear someone start a sentence: "To be honest..." as if the rest of the time I wasn't...? I would love to be engaged on this topic as I have a set of tools that are designed to explore listening and understanding...
I can understand that today any popular topic gets polarised quickly. Often neither nor of the two parties master anything in the domain they are talking about. We often have opinions. Just opinions. And we feel urged by social media to display these opinions, while they are probably manufactured or because we stick to the first explanation that feels right. I think you are really on point Minter when you say that we jump to conclusions. We often don't have the time and serenity to enter the realm of nuances. And more, "is my opinion this important or is it even relevant?" "Does it even make sense?" Due to these social media we might all experience a blatant lack of humility... (And I see the very obvious contradiction of me expressing that opinion, knowing that I am no expert in social media psychology or psychology period) ;) :D . For instance, everyone had an opinion on the Will Smith slap. After 2 days, who cares?
Love the irony of posting an opinion about opinions! :) LOL. In the nuance, there's definitely room for entertainment and art to stir opinions... stir the pot, so to speak. But, in announcing our opinion, it seems rare are those willing to really listen to the opposing view with an eye to learning, even agreeing... The involvement of the ego makes conciliatory comments -- make less saying we're wrong, or excusing oneself -- so difficult.
Exactly! If I am prompt to think that what the other says is stupid, I should be examining my own opinions and expressions with the same severity. And allow myself to change my mind because it is ok to make mistakes. And regarding the literal approach, well no one is cutting necks in the west so probably this metaphor is slightly dramatic.
Indeed. A good opportunity for self-awareness, Thierry. On the literal element, I can think of several people who've paid with their necks for having spoken their mind or held certain beliefs. But those are generally outliers.
The thing I notice in me, this last 3 months, is a hesitancy to be an early poster…it’s because I’m a “think fast, then act quickly” kind of person, but I now find I have to worry about what the thread of of discussion might later become… eg my thoughts yesterday on Will Smiths right to be hurt and show that.. and the wrongness of violence.. and society’s view of black on black banter and allowances that black on white or white on black don’t yet have… all that morality caught in tension of the moment.. do I shrink away fearfully if my hope for learnings and a better future day might be judged or misunderstood ..?
I notice part of me wants to hold back now.. I’m trying to monitor and optimise that .. j x
That is such a great point, John. The legacy of a statement published online in a certain context/time always has the risk of coming back to bite you. Even as I write, now, I wonder about which side of what point of view of mine might be exposed at some later date (or even now for that matter). I've noticed more and more how certain shows or media (or podcasts) need to provide a warning about scenes that could trigger people or just be deemed offensive. A cautionary tale...
Mar 29, 2022·edited Mar 30, 2022Liked by Minter Dial
I can relate to that feeling of not wanting “to stick out your neck” by voicing an opinion. For me it was during the George Floyd protest and BLM moments in 2020. I even made a decision to no longer wear a very comfortable and favorite t-shirt I owned prior to the events in MN that took place in 2020. The t-shirt imprint with simple flowers on the front, and the words in the middle, “Kindness Matters”. When I wore it I received lots of compliments. Never in a million years would I have thought It would create an issue while checking out at a local grocery store. A customer stopped in her path and stared at me as if she was ready to pounce. I was completely oblivious to the fact that my shirt may have been an insult to her. I could not understand why she was looking at me with daggers in her eyes, total disgust. Someone I never met…she was a black women filled with anger. It was only when I arrived home still trying to understand the exchange that took place and in speaking with my daughter, she explained that she probably felt I was not supporting Black Lives Matter…by wearing that shirt and she also explained the “white privilege” definition as well. I was blown away and completely naive. I have friends of all races and never experienced this division. I recall at one point I was even nervous to drive on a highway because protestors were blocking nearby main highways. That was the first time in all my years, I felt unsafe. Not knowing if the violence would make it in our neighborhoods and certainly afraid to voice my opinion. But as time passed and things normalized some, I felt safer to join in on conversations. I feel many others seem to as well, for example parents, voicing their opinions about CRT and becoming more involved with their children’s education.
What a shame that a t-shirt with "Kindness Matters" is taken as a slur. It's a sad state of affairs. I do fundamentally believe that we all need to take stock of ourselves, our beliefs and underlying fears/angst/anger... If not, we are going to have trouble getting together. If any word or image is taken out of their context, nothing is safe.
Yes, what is the solution?? The million dollar question. Do you think it’s possible for the left and right to engage in respectful debates to solve solutions and find balance in our societies?
To come to the table, both sides have to see a benefit. Right now, few are talking about what will be a sufficiently strong incentive to attract both sides.
As my conversation with my friend continued, her feeling was that whenever we express an opinion, others are fast to jump to conclusions. To be sure, it's happening on both sides of many topics. Our level of invective and anger is quick to rise because we've deemed this or that subject important. We get triggered because we feel threatened. It's virtually an existential threat. And we create a primal emotional reaction (located in the amygdala). Too often, we lose perspective. And for some, the fact that we get emotional is vivifying and self-justifying. Hence the notion that we literally may be sticking our necks out at times.
Definitely seems to be extremism on both sides, the right and the left with each side having different perspectives. Each looking at life through a different angle.
And yet, the left and the right seem to have become somewhat arbitrary collections of positions/policies.
Yes, no balance and truth in positions and misleading policies.
Behind each policy, there's always an agenda. But we're loathe to spell out that agenda... if even we know what it is... (naively at times).
For fear do you think? If these agendas are about power and money, no doubt. So complicated. If only our leaders were all transparent and honest, then maybe the debates, the brainstorming, the dialogue, as you have described could lead to some pretty awesome solutions and unity. And I think you should guide them with your knowledge and experience! 😁
Thank you for the words of encouragement, Denise. The notions of transparency and honesty are of particular importance to me. The challenge with transparency is knowing that some things MUST be kept secret (e.g. one's own private garden or state secrets....). So it's not desirable to be 100% transparent. The question then becomes "how much?"! Where should the line be drawn? And on honesty, the question I have is how well one knows oneself to be honest even with oneself? I always smirk when I hear someone start a sentence: "To be honest..." as if the rest of the time I wasn't...? I would love to be engaged on this topic as I have a set of tools that are designed to explore listening and understanding...
I can understand that today any popular topic gets polarised quickly. Often neither nor of the two parties master anything in the domain they are talking about. We often have opinions. Just opinions. And we feel urged by social media to display these opinions, while they are probably manufactured or because we stick to the first explanation that feels right. I think you are really on point Minter when you say that we jump to conclusions. We often don't have the time and serenity to enter the realm of nuances. And more, "is my opinion this important or is it even relevant?" "Does it even make sense?" Due to these social media we might all experience a blatant lack of humility... (And I see the very obvious contradiction of me expressing that opinion, knowing that I am no expert in social media psychology or psychology period) ;) :D . For instance, everyone had an opinion on the Will Smith slap. After 2 days, who cares?
Love the irony of posting an opinion about opinions! :) LOL. In the nuance, there's definitely room for entertainment and art to stir opinions... stir the pot, so to speak. But, in announcing our opinion, it seems rare are those willing to really listen to the opposing view with an eye to learning, even agreeing... The involvement of the ego makes conciliatory comments -- make less saying we're wrong, or excusing oneself -- so difficult.
Exactly! If I am prompt to think that what the other says is stupid, I should be examining my own opinions and expressions with the same severity. And allow myself to change my mind because it is ok to make mistakes. And regarding the literal approach, well no one is cutting necks in the west so probably this metaphor is slightly dramatic.
Indeed. A good opportunity for self-awareness, Thierry. On the literal element, I can think of several people who've paid with their necks for having spoken their mind or held certain beliefs. But those are generally outliers.
The thing I notice in me, this last 3 months, is a hesitancy to be an early poster…it’s because I’m a “think fast, then act quickly” kind of person, but I now find I have to worry about what the thread of of discussion might later become… eg my thoughts yesterday on Will Smiths right to be hurt and show that.. and the wrongness of violence.. and society’s view of black on black banter and allowances that black on white or white on black don’t yet have… all that morality caught in tension of the moment.. do I shrink away fearfully if my hope for learnings and a better future day might be judged or misunderstood ..?
I notice part of me wants to hold back now.. I’m trying to monitor and optimise that .. j x
That is such a great point, John. The legacy of a statement published online in a certain context/time always has the risk of coming back to bite you. Even as I write, now, I wonder about which side of what point of view of mine might be exposed at some later date (or even now for that matter). I've noticed more and more how certain shows or media (or podcasts) need to provide a warning about scenes that could trigger people or just be deemed offensive. A cautionary tale...
I can relate to that feeling of not wanting “to stick out your neck” by voicing an opinion. For me it was during the George Floyd protest and BLM moments in 2020. I even made a decision to no longer wear a very comfortable and favorite t-shirt I owned prior to the events in MN that took place in 2020. The t-shirt imprint with simple flowers on the front, and the words in the middle, “Kindness Matters”. When I wore it I received lots of compliments. Never in a million years would I have thought It would create an issue while checking out at a local grocery store. A customer stopped in her path and stared at me as if she was ready to pounce. I was completely oblivious to the fact that my shirt may have been an insult to her. I could not understand why she was looking at me with daggers in her eyes, total disgust. Someone I never met…she was a black women filled with anger. It was only when I arrived home still trying to understand the exchange that took place and in speaking with my daughter, she explained that she probably felt I was not supporting Black Lives Matter…by wearing that shirt and she also explained the “white privilege” definition as well. I was blown away and completely naive. I have friends of all races and never experienced this division. I recall at one point I was even nervous to drive on a highway because protestors were blocking nearby main highways. That was the first time in all my years, I felt unsafe. Not knowing if the violence would make it in our neighborhoods and certainly afraid to voice my opinion. But as time passed and things normalized some, I felt safer to join in on conversations. I feel many others seem to as well, for example parents, voicing their opinions about CRT and becoming more involved with their children’s education.
What a shame that a t-shirt with "Kindness Matters" is taken as a slur. It's a sad state of affairs. I do fundamentally believe that we all need to take stock of ourselves, our beliefs and underlying fears/angst/anger... If not, we are going to have trouble getting together. If any word or image is taken out of their context, nothing is safe.
Yes, what is the solution?? The million dollar question. Do you think it’s possible for the left and right to engage in respectful debates to solve solutions and find balance in our societies?
To come to the table, both sides have to see a benefit. Right now, few are talking about what will be a sufficiently strong incentive to attract both sides.