When you sit down to a meal with strangers, for example at a dinner party, and look at your neighbors, what makes you interesting to them and vice-versa? And what does “interesting” mean? When the Dutch use the word “interessant,” it comes with gravitas, compared to how insipid it might be when spoken in English, as in: “Ah yes, how very interesting…”
I was stimulated to publish this thread after reading Nassim Taleb’s book, Antifragile. Taleb writes that we tend to conflate skill or talent in conversation with skill or talent in application (i.e. in the doing). For example, he writes how entrepreneurs, potters and cobblers are built to do their professions, but often have an inverse ability to talk about it. Conversely, he warns away the talkers because they aren’t good doers. “The more interesting their conversation, the more cultured they are, the more they will be trapped into thinking that they’re effective at what they're doing in real business.” He goes on to explain that this is sometimes called the “Halo Effect,” where we make the “mistake of thinking that skills in, say, skiing, translate unfailingly into, say, a pottery workshop or a bank department, or that a good chess player would be a good strategist in real life…The quality [of the doers] lies in their product, not their conversation.”
I’ve long thought that the ones who’ve had the experience or done the deed have the best raw material for discussion (at least for stories to tell). But then there’s the notion that to be the most interesting person in the room, be the most interested in everyone else. The most interesting people are said to observe and listen well. In his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie talked about how, if you spend your time asking questions to the other person, he/she may well end up saying that you’re the most interesting person he/she has ever met. All that without having uttered a word other than posing the questions.
But what about the person speaking? How is that person interesting? What makes them so?
Here are six attributes of someone who is interesting:
have good (and hopefully relevant) stories to tell
be a good at telling the story
have a sense of humor
don’t be too long-winded or use unintelligible acronyms and buzzwords
engage with your audience (eye contact, body language, etc.)
…and ask questions back.
What do you think makes someone interesting? I’d love to have your input!
P.S. If you didn’t see my last piece on Artificial Intelligence and its impact on Conversation, it’s here.
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Susi touches on an important point - the people who will ask you about something you talked about on another day are immediately great listeners.... I can picture some of them instantly..
agree on your points of being interesting. I've been in the room of various well versed raconteurs holding court, including one fairly incredulous story about Paul McCartney and the Queen (well, I didn't buy it!). And while their anecdotes are entertaining - doesn't mean you warm to buy from them (literally or metaphorically) which is what Dale Carnegie meant by listening to people more.
I'm always even more impressed if someone I think is interesting remembers something about me - that's a sort of politician memory trick, but also a very human one. If someone you admire makes you feel special, you can build trust and admiration in spades. And ultimately that two-way interest makes you more interesting to them.
Susi touches on an important point - the people who will ask you about something you talked about on another day are immediately great listeners.... I can picture some of them instantly..
It shows that what you said matters.
In addition to your list of attributes, I would especially find someone who presents themselves with humility very interesting.
Certainly a lot easier to listen to! :)
The most interesting are interested... hear hear! Or should I say: do do! 😉)
Agree, Lidewij, with the Dutch version of "interessant"?
Yes, absolutely. Interessant means just that in Dutch. Expressing interest.
agree on your points of being interesting. I've been in the room of various well versed raconteurs holding court, including one fairly incredulous story about Paul McCartney and the Queen (well, I didn't buy it!). And while their anecdotes are entertaining - doesn't mean you warm to buy from them (literally or metaphorically) which is what Dale Carnegie meant by listening to people more.
I'm always even more impressed if someone I think is interesting remembers something about me - that's a sort of politician memory trick, but also a very human one. If someone you admire makes you feel special, you can build trust and admiration in spades. And ultimately that two-way interest makes you more interesting to them.
Tremendous point Susi. It's like empathy with a bonus. Listening deeply and remembering what you heard, which shows attention and care.